Post by Elle on Feb 20, 2016 19:13:51 GMT -6
I hate my name.
There’s not much else to say on that matter. I’ve always hated it and because of that, part of me has always hated my parents for picking it. Even before my mom, in tears, called me up after my debut to say that I was dead to her, our relationship was never great. And it all comes down to the name. Eleanor. Just saying it and it makes someone picture some old woman from a time gone by. Eleanor. I wasn’t the popular girl in school with that name. Eleanor. My mom thought that if she named me after a personal hero of hers that I’d be just as influential on history. Other people might be flattered to be named after Eleanor Roosevelt. Those people are the same age as my mother is.
It’s why I started calling myself ‘Elle’. Elle sounds sophisticated, mature, the name of someone that’s either on top of the world or existing only in fiction. It’s much easier to make Elle sound sexy than it is Eleanor, and trust me: I’ve tried.
In retrospect, the name ‘Elle Winters’ is a bit basic when it comes to a stage name. But the way I saw it, there are already a lot of adult film stars with sexual names and I wanted to keep that ‘girl next door’ image for as long as I could.
By the way, my name is Elle Prynne, formerly known as Elle Winters, and I was once part of the adult entertainment business. My field? Pornography.
I’m not going to say that I hated it, that it’s wrong, none of that. Fact is? I liked it. Plenty of young girls have bad experiences with their first scene (and a fair number are just acting like they are) and swear it off completely, but I wasn’t one of them. It was work. I had an agent, he called around, I got booked in a scene, and suddenly I was one of the girls on the bus. It only expanded from there. I didn’t sign an exclusivity deal with a company so I was free to work for any company or genre that showed an interest in me. As it turned out ‘blondes’ is still a popular category, especially blondes that look, as one director put it, ‘obtainable’.
A couple of scenes under my belt, phone calls with my family saying how ashamed they were of me, and suddenly I found myself immersed in that world. My friends were actors and actresses giving me advice. My email was flooded with fans and deals. I went to the AVN Awards. I won ‘Best New Starlet’ and was nominated for an award involving the mouth. There I was, twenty-something and poised to make a name for myself in the entertainment world. So why, you ask, did I walk away?
Well now, that wouldn’t make for a very entertaining story, would it, if I just told you straight away? Feel free to make up your own reasons if you’re so desperate. Just because a girl’s bared everything to the world doesn’t mean she can’t have a few secrets.
I can say, however, that just because you stop shooting movies it doesn’t mean you’ve left the world behind. Try as you like, there’s always something or someone that will remind you of everything. What they don’t tell you about fans is that for everyone who says “I enjoy your work” there’s two that go into detail about what they like about you and what they want you to do. Celebrities, as in those people that do quote-unquote ‘real’ acting, like to complain about the paparazzi. Hey, Jennifer Lawrence, try walking a mile in my shoes and you’ll wish all you had to deal with was some asshole with a camera.
Do I wish I never did that first scene? No. Do I wish I never interacted with fans? Certain fans? Absolutely. It’s enough to make a girl like me want to become a nun.
-Except from 'Winters Is Coming: Memoirs of A Former Adult Superstar'; work in progress
-
Elle wiped the sweat from her forehead as she stepped away from the machine. Working out was nothing new, but the change in profession came with a much more strict and heavier regiment. Going to the gym when she was performing on video was a ‘sometimes’ investment. She didn’t hate going, but it was often hard to work up the motivation to do so. The trick, she found, was to go early enough so where it was either empty or full of the nuts who cared more about their routine than socializing. She got plenty of sideways glances when out and about, she didn’t need them when she was trying to focus on her own workout. Fortunately, she was done for the day and without incident to boot.
“Excuse me,” came a voice and for a brief moment Elle hoped it was an employee. As she turned to see someone with a sweat-stained grey shirt and a nervous, though wide, grin, she knew her hopes were dashed. “You...are you...Ellie Winters?”
“Not anymore,” Elle replied, already sighing and planning out in her head the fastest route to the door.
“I KNEW it. You looked so familiar! Ellie Winters! I heard rumors but...wow! You have no idea how big a fan I am of your work.”
“Oh, I have some idea…” Elle was dripping with more sarcasm than sweat but it was doubtful the man had heard her.
“Your first scene was just...you know? Too many of the models they got for that sight just looked so...fake, you know? But you...you were real. I could totally tell.”
There was a time and a place where Elle would’ve been happy to hear from her fans, and that was usually through email or at mandatory fan events and conventions. As this was neither of those, while some part of her was probably flattered she was more annoyed than anything else.
“The industry lost a true talent when you left.” It was only now that Elle realized the fan had been talking all this time while all she was doing was seeing his mouth move and not hearing what came out of it. “Do you think you’ll come back?”
“Never say never I guess,” Elle’s answer was as noncommittal as possible and she was starting to walk away. But some people just can’t take a hint.
“Because, I’ve been thinking,” the fan continued, following after Elle like a loyal pup, “You should come back. I’ve seen all your scenes and the world needs more Elle Winters.”
“The world isn’t running out of porn. Thanks for, uh, your support but I need to-”
Elle was cut off by the fan crossing that unspoken line: he reached out and grabbed her arm.
“But porn doesn’t have you. How much would it cost? I know a guy, he knows a guy that has a camera. It could be an amateur thing. ‘Elle Winters and Mason’s Finest’. Has a nice ring, right?”
“Wow. You really know how to win a girl over.” Again the sarcasm fell on deaf ears.
“You know how people say they’d do anything for something? I mean it. I always said ‘I’d do anything for one night with Elle Winters’ and here you are!” The fan was squeezing now and if there was one thing Elle didn’t want it was to make a scene. Both in the sense of a public disturbance and the type of scene this man was talking about.
“Anything?” Elle asked with a raising of the eyebrow. The man’s face lit up brighter than the sun.
“Anything. Name a price, I’ll pay it. Anything. We don’t even have to film it, although think of the publicity. What a comeback, right?”
“First...stop grabbing me,” Elle spoke in as commanding a voice she could muster, which was effective. The fan obeyed obediently. “How much do you have on you? In cash?”
“Three hundred dollars. It was payday the other day and-” Elle silenced him by pressing her index finger to his mouth. She was quick to pull it back before he got any ideas.
“Well, Mister…”
“Turi.”
“Mister Turi. If you give me three hundred dollars I can give you a fantasy…”
The money was handed over without so much as a second thought, and Elle quickly put it in the strap of her top, a bit of a teasing glance for the fan.
“Well then…” Elle began, putting on her old seductive voice. It was eerie how easily she could slip back into it. “Close your eyes…” he did, “Imagine me...you’re my teacher and I’ve failed one too many tests. If I want to stay on the cheerleading team I need at least a C average. I’m there in the desk, little cheerleading outfit on...my hair done in pigtails...and I beg you to change my grade...and I’m willing to do...a...n...y…..t...h...i...n...g…”
She could tell from the way the man was smiling that the image was rather vivid. As his eyes were closed Elle was stepping closer and closer to the door.
“And me in my little outfit approach your desk….and I whisper in your ear…” Elle was at the door now… “Thanks for the money, guy, enjoy your fantasy.”
Elle was out of the door before the man had opened his eyes fully, before he had processed the words, before he realized what had just happened to him.
It was hard, sometimes, getting nasty looks and whispers from people. But as she pocketed the easiest payday she had ever gotten...she understood that infamy did have its advantages...
There’s not much else to say on that matter. I’ve always hated it and because of that, part of me has always hated my parents for picking it. Even before my mom, in tears, called me up after my debut to say that I was dead to her, our relationship was never great. And it all comes down to the name. Eleanor. Just saying it and it makes someone picture some old woman from a time gone by. Eleanor. I wasn’t the popular girl in school with that name. Eleanor. My mom thought that if she named me after a personal hero of hers that I’d be just as influential on history. Other people might be flattered to be named after Eleanor Roosevelt. Those people are the same age as my mother is.
It’s why I started calling myself ‘Elle’. Elle sounds sophisticated, mature, the name of someone that’s either on top of the world or existing only in fiction. It’s much easier to make Elle sound sexy than it is Eleanor, and trust me: I’ve tried.
In retrospect, the name ‘Elle Winters’ is a bit basic when it comes to a stage name. But the way I saw it, there are already a lot of adult film stars with sexual names and I wanted to keep that ‘girl next door’ image for as long as I could.
By the way, my name is Elle Prynne, formerly known as Elle Winters, and I was once part of the adult entertainment business. My field? Pornography.
I’m not going to say that I hated it, that it’s wrong, none of that. Fact is? I liked it. Plenty of young girls have bad experiences with their first scene (and a fair number are just acting like they are) and swear it off completely, but I wasn’t one of them. It was work. I had an agent, he called around, I got booked in a scene, and suddenly I was one of the girls on the bus. It only expanded from there. I didn’t sign an exclusivity deal with a company so I was free to work for any company or genre that showed an interest in me. As it turned out ‘blondes’ is still a popular category, especially blondes that look, as one director put it, ‘obtainable’.
A couple of scenes under my belt, phone calls with my family saying how ashamed they were of me, and suddenly I found myself immersed in that world. My friends were actors and actresses giving me advice. My email was flooded with fans and deals. I went to the AVN Awards. I won ‘Best New Starlet’ and was nominated for an award involving the mouth. There I was, twenty-something and poised to make a name for myself in the entertainment world. So why, you ask, did I walk away?
Well now, that wouldn’t make for a very entertaining story, would it, if I just told you straight away? Feel free to make up your own reasons if you’re so desperate. Just because a girl’s bared everything to the world doesn’t mean she can’t have a few secrets.
I can say, however, that just because you stop shooting movies it doesn’t mean you’ve left the world behind. Try as you like, there’s always something or someone that will remind you of everything. What they don’t tell you about fans is that for everyone who says “I enjoy your work” there’s two that go into detail about what they like about you and what they want you to do. Celebrities, as in those people that do quote-unquote ‘real’ acting, like to complain about the paparazzi. Hey, Jennifer Lawrence, try walking a mile in my shoes and you’ll wish all you had to deal with was some asshole with a camera.
Do I wish I never did that first scene? No. Do I wish I never interacted with fans? Certain fans? Absolutely. It’s enough to make a girl like me want to become a nun.
-Except from 'Winters Is Coming: Memoirs of A Former Adult Superstar'; work in progress
-
Elle wiped the sweat from her forehead as she stepped away from the machine. Working out was nothing new, but the change in profession came with a much more strict and heavier regiment. Going to the gym when she was performing on video was a ‘sometimes’ investment. She didn’t hate going, but it was often hard to work up the motivation to do so. The trick, she found, was to go early enough so where it was either empty or full of the nuts who cared more about their routine than socializing. She got plenty of sideways glances when out and about, she didn’t need them when she was trying to focus on her own workout. Fortunately, she was done for the day and without incident to boot.
“Excuse me,” came a voice and for a brief moment Elle hoped it was an employee. As she turned to see someone with a sweat-stained grey shirt and a nervous, though wide, grin, she knew her hopes were dashed. “You...are you...Ellie Winters?”
“Not anymore,” Elle replied, already sighing and planning out in her head the fastest route to the door.
“I KNEW it. You looked so familiar! Ellie Winters! I heard rumors but...wow! You have no idea how big a fan I am of your work.”
“Oh, I have some idea…” Elle was dripping with more sarcasm than sweat but it was doubtful the man had heard her.
“Your first scene was just...you know? Too many of the models they got for that sight just looked so...fake, you know? But you...you were real. I could totally tell.”
There was a time and a place where Elle would’ve been happy to hear from her fans, and that was usually through email or at mandatory fan events and conventions. As this was neither of those, while some part of her was probably flattered she was more annoyed than anything else.
“The industry lost a true talent when you left.” It was only now that Elle realized the fan had been talking all this time while all she was doing was seeing his mouth move and not hearing what came out of it. “Do you think you’ll come back?”
“Never say never I guess,” Elle’s answer was as noncommittal as possible and she was starting to walk away. But some people just can’t take a hint.
“Because, I’ve been thinking,” the fan continued, following after Elle like a loyal pup, “You should come back. I’ve seen all your scenes and the world needs more Elle Winters.”
“The world isn’t running out of porn. Thanks for, uh, your support but I need to-”
Elle was cut off by the fan crossing that unspoken line: he reached out and grabbed her arm.
“But porn doesn’t have you. How much would it cost? I know a guy, he knows a guy that has a camera. It could be an amateur thing. ‘Elle Winters and Mason’s Finest’. Has a nice ring, right?”
“Wow. You really know how to win a girl over.” Again the sarcasm fell on deaf ears.
“You know how people say they’d do anything for something? I mean it. I always said ‘I’d do anything for one night with Elle Winters’ and here you are!” The fan was squeezing now and if there was one thing Elle didn’t want it was to make a scene. Both in the sense of a public disturbance and the type of scene this man was talking about.
“Anything?” Elle asked with a raising of the eyebrow. The man’s face lit up brighter than the sun.
“Anything. Name a price, I’ll pay it. Anything. We don’t even have to film it, although think of the publicity. What a comeback, right?”
“First...stop grabbing me,” Elle spoke in as commanding a voice she could muster, which was effective. The fan obeyed obediently. “How much do you have on you? In cash?”
“Three hundred dollars. It was payday the other day and-” Elle silenced him by pressing her index finger to his mouth. She was quick to pull it back before he got any ideas.
“Well, Mister…”
“Turi.”
“Mister Turi. If you give me three hundred dollars I can give you a fantasy…”
The money was handed over without so much as a second thought, and Elle quickly put it in the strap of her top, a bit of a teasing glance for the fan.
“Well then…” Elle began, putting on her old seductive voice. It was eerie how easily she could slip back into it. “Close your eyes…” he did, “Imagine me...you’re my teacher and I’ve failed one too many tests. If I want to stay on the cheerleading team I need at least a C average. I’m there in the desk, little cheerleading outfit on...my hair done in pigtails...and I beg you to change my grade...and I’m willing to do...a...n...y…..t...h...i...n...g…”
She could tell from the way the man was smiling that the image was rather vivid. As his eyes were closed Elle was stepping closer and closer to the door.
“And me in my little outfit approach your desk….and I whisper in your ear…” Elle was at the door now… “Thanks for the money, guy, enjoy your fantasy.”
Elle was out of the door before the man had opened his eyes fully, before he had processed the words, before he realized what had just happened to him.
It was hard, sometimes, getting nasty looks and whispers from people. But as she pocketed the easiest payday she had ever gotten...she understood that infamy did have its advantages...
